Dear She,
While visiting my mom, we had a disagreement (argument!) over what constitutes “too much stuff”. She has a lot of items that she says she’ll need one day, but I doubt it. I was able to convince her to get rid of several old bath towels and washcloths. When I went to the garage to get a garbage bag, I stumbled over a bag full of paper bags. Looking further, there were so many…. fifteen bags to be exact. Yes!! Fifteen bags of brown paper bags!! That doesn’t include the plastic ones. Please help.
Bags of Bags
Dear bags of bags
As I read your letter, I can’t help but laugh and cry at the same time. I recall my dear mother, (rest her soul) she had 20 bags of bags! Supposedly, stashed away from my orderly hands. You are not alone.
According to Activebeat.com, hoarding is the compulsive collection of possessions accompanied by difficulty parting with them. This behavior can negatively impact many areas of a person’s life causing serious physical, social, emotional, financial, and legal problems.
Statistically, 70% of hoarders are women who are single, divorced, widowed, or have suffered emotional trauma in their lives. (Source below)
A hoarder’s main reason for keeping the “items” is that they think they will need them in the future.
Factors that characterize a hoarder lifestyle:
- Lack of self-care
- Resistance to therapy
- Lack of sleep (30% of adults don’t get enough)
- Isolation
- Feelings of resentment towards the anti-hoarding support persons in their life
What can be done
Assure the hoarder that your words are motivated by love and caring and that you want what is best for them.
Urge the hoarder to start identifying the items that are irreplaceable (i.e., family photos) versus items that could easily be found again if needed (bags, art supplies, bargains, thrift store finds).
Hire a professional organizer to assist your loved ones in winnowing down their hoard.
One approach I use is called “Good Cop/Bad Cop.” In your case, you would be the good cop and I’d be the bad cop. Most hoarders won’t make such hostile comments to a professional organizer–a stranger (me) LOL! When I was a child, my parents would often enforce a rule I strongly opposed. It would only make sense to me when a neighbor or family member outside of our home would say the exact same thing!
Don’t be discouraged. Your decision to provide support can move your loved one from isolation to motivation. By the way…my mom’s bags were reduced to three bags in exchange for keeping three jars of rubber bands. (Pick your battles😊)
Proverb: Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established.
Source: https://m.activebeat.com/fitness/self-care-tips-for-managing-mental-health-disorders/
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Sheila A.O., She Orders, Organized Space and Customized Meals with love. Sheila is owner, principal consultant, and author. She uses humor, education, and inspiration to create an environment of love through her writing, work, and daily living. She (affectionately known as) lives in Zebulon, NC., where she enjoys horseback riding and watching the water.
Learn more about her work @ www.SheOrders.com
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